‘Broke’ or Broken

In a very upsetting manner, I am writing today. I am furious at myself and wanting the earth to open up and swallow me. And this is not anything about the products I use, it is about me and my insane mind. All bonkers!! At once! So I don’t know what is more annoying, my bank account or my life. One makes me feel broke and the other broken. So in the midst of this, I have to pretend to be a happy and highly non-jealous type, is that even possible to be not jealous any more? I am practically pissed at all those witty asses for making me choose things as per their convenience and insecurities, and yes, it has been such easy to brainwash me. I am doing that walk of shame at the moment, trust me! I hate me for letting go of things that could feed my account and hence save the broke one, and for not being practical and strong enough to be dealing with the shit and be fulfilling my lifelong dream and save this regret and punch in the face feeling. If only I had been confident about myself and the people connected to me to have little faith in me like I do in them, we could have survived and the bank balance would also have felt nice about it. now these ifs and buts have taken away all the peace and zeal to deal with me. So, that’s how broken I have been feeling and the worst case is I can’t get past it because few things always pray for and then when they happen you walk away like a fool because you are what? A princess? no! you are a fool! I’m still trying to get my head around the damages, even though when its been months. I feel grief stricken and yeah still confused if its just coz of being broke or broken or both. ( and I have started looking old too because of all the stress I guess.)


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